does the 'quality' of silent prayer matter?
as anyone who practices silent prayer/contemplation/meditation will be aware, there are times when we feel really 'focused' and feel that we might indeed, have 'connected' with God.
And then there are the times when the opposite happens are God seems to get put to one side while we sit in our usual position with our eyes closed, but instead of repeating the Jesus prayer quietly, we spend our half an hour or so thinking of things we need to do, sorting plans for tomorrow or even working out what we need to buy for a meal we are cooking later that day.
Those of us who have experienced that latter situation (which I am sure would be all of us), might wonder if it was worth doing it at all and if we were that distracted, whether we would have been better off doing some contemplative study or even practical work that needed to be done.
The answer is that both are very much worthwhile, even if we don't 'feel' that way. In fact, the way we feel is just that, a 'feeling' and not a value of the practice however 'busy' or not it was.
We are all human of course, with minds that wander and thoughts that often seem to have a life of their own. We can very easily carry this into our silent prayer and focus more on plans, hopes and distractions of our everyday lives than we do our prayer phrase. We can't just switch these off simply because we have decided to spend time with God and indeed, we shouldn't expect to. A busy mind is not a sign that we have failed, but simply a reflection of where we are at that particular moment.
Silent prayer should not be about 'achieving' a certain state, but should be, as intended, time with God, whether we are happy, sad, anxious or relaxed. Simply keep returning to your prayer phrase as often as is needed. God is in the prayer of all of us and it is said that it is not actually we who pray, but God that prayers within us, whatever our mind is doing at that particular time.
Perhaps, after all, the purpose is not to arrive before God with a perfectly quiet mind, but simply to arrive exactly as we are.
